nono
Hey it happens! It's not uncommon a life is like a fire, so you must be careful to not disturb it otherwise the fire grows only to destroy. It's hard for fire to do something good it's rare, but it happens! Nicely done!
16 Years AgoReception
What readers left behind.
Public responses preserved from WritersCafe, attributed to the names their writers used. Relative dates remain relative because the source supplies no honest absolute date.
Friendly Fire
DamienHino
WOW! I was wondering what he did but then I looked at the title...intense.
16 Years AgoMidnight Laugh
Dane Osborne
An excellent piece with excellent wordplay. To me and this is just an abstract interpretation is that despite the fact that the world is a dark and dim place it is through how we use our perception of it that we give it some sense of meaning. Great work
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingKim's Poems
deep and wonderful, i really enjoyed this write, loved the first stanza.
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingpoetic soul
in the darkness, everything does survive!! best lines... lovely poem... :)
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingHelen Crutchett
"A dose of caffiene, keeps the midnight lamp; awake" (I love that stanza!) Wonderful work Vivek! A truly top class poem from an accomplished poet. Bravo!
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingMARIA STRELLA SAMUEL
SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL !
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingAn owl on the moon
I love the characterization of night that you create, through the shadows, the birds, and the element of time slowed in the depths of midnight. Your last lines bring such a hope to your tranquil piece. Thanks so much for sharing.
This review was written for aprevious versionof this writingRevisited Banks
An owl on the moon
What a profound walk through your words.. You bring the river to life for us all.. in its wonder and in memories awakening. Amazing write.
16 Years AgoScared
Andrea
I love your descriptions, Do you paint??? I hope you do? I can't imagine 'dreams collide' I see you seek that the the 'door' but it's far. I t is so sad to see such young talent so fed up!
15 Years Agonono
Everyone feels like this sooner or latter. The scares of something can really hurt a person. And the expressions in this is beautiful nicely said!
16 Years AgoVivek Koshy
nightmare.
16 Years AgoDamienHino
you move in discomfort, furious winds, lights break. you question yourself as to what to do. sounds like a tornado hit...or possibly a nightmare...hmm i'm curious
16 Years AgoSpeak, Softly; Laugh.
Dane Osborne
Once again excellent. I enjoyed this, when we meet the people who caused our scars that is where the conflict between good and evil is most ultimately present. Though as savage creatures as we can often be it is amazing how we forgive each others injuries and as craig said people could learn a lesson from it. Kudos
16 Years AgoH. A. M.
This was cool! It reminds me of that friendly yet abusive relationship I have with my uncle. This was like a watching a grudge come to an end. Kudos!
15 Years AgoSabista Khan
I really really love this one.
15 Years AgoAn owl on the moon
You create such a reflective mood, moving from the past.. the pain.. into what seemed a brilliant turn of events.. Laughing.. I wish the world could learn this lesson..
16 Years AgoThe Dream
Vivek Koshy
"Even if my works remain; The praises to a grave i cant bear."
16 Years Agonono
Dream? Don't give up. A person should never give up never give in to anything unless it is by will. It's best to dream then to have nightmares and days be hard. Nicely done.
16 Years AgoBrandilee Cardente
i like it alot.
16 Years AgoUntitled II
Ms. Gruye
your writing style is sparse, but not too much. you use your words sparingly, as if each one costs you a price beyond currency. the result is very effective and straight forward. I cannot tell you my favorite lines because this whole piece works together, I am unable to let any line live on it's own. what a tremendous talent you possess.
16 Years Agowordman
the thoughts and dreams of a reluctant sleep mixed with a little despair and unknowing
12 Years Agojacob erin-cilberto
this feels like saying life never changes for me. i keep having dreams and hopes...but somehow they get rained upon...and i end up waiting, silent again and again...hoping things can get better...and my life can match my dreams.
12 Years AgoChong N. Kim
I love your style of writing, I like the mystery in trying the yearness that I feel when I read your lyrics. :)
13 Years AgoAn owl on the moon
A drifting, dreamish write of longing and looking for more... that hope that life has hidden treasures awaiting, even if in sleep... Such a visual work.
15 Years AgoLourisa
A Lovely abstract piece. You do have a way with words, don't you?
15 Years AgoTasha
My forerunners hopes long for, my struggle; and my jumped mood, thinks too much. This was amazing!
15 Years AgoUndying Glory
very good work here, nice job. as thought-provoking as the previous one, maybe even better! now that's some vivid and surreal work! "A dream awaits, my slumber; and the wake mind, fears tomorrow." now those really were strong verses. awesome!
15 Years AgoE.H. Monroe
"Footprints in the sand, are stamped again; while the drops tugs;among, the same vessel." I just shot a verbal wad. I feel like you owe me dinner and dancing. Gotta expand and drop some spoken word on an unsuspecting word. I can hear all the big yells and stops all over this thing. Get a stage, if you havent already and light the fucking place on fire. Well done
15 Years AgoH. A. M.
again..this feels like your writing from the NOW...by that I mean you are able to capture the moment right now......this is good!...and I like it!....keep writing bro!
15 Years Agoabby2011
p.s im referring to: life is not what it seems...you dont need to say that. keep the tantalising mystery of your frame of mind evolving..its a great journey to go on!
15 Years Agoabby2011
i think you iterate too much here. you tell us what you want us to know by being direct and yet it is in your simplicity and directives (descriptions of emotions) in which we gauge that anyway. its good no doubt but less is more. you have all the intensity and feeling. it IS visible. i think you're worried it's not
15 Years AgoHelen Crutchett
Wow, beautiful write, obviously from a poet who knows his craft. Bravo!
15 Years AgoGoodbye
I love your style and imagery, Vivek! So beautiful, so painful, and I think that anyone whose wrestled with feelings, existence and its meaning can connect with your writing. So very well-done.
15 Years AgoSabista Khan
I must say, you do have a flair for words. Your poems possess a melancholy feeling that is really touching..
15 Years AgoSilent Kim aka mizmetap..
your writing style is abtractly inticing. Your words cry pain and longing. Again your words deserve a title. I use to live my poems untitled and realize they just become numbers in a pile.
15 Years AgoSarah McConnaughey
This is very beautifully written. I really like your way of writing poems. Great job. :)
16 Years Agonono
This is interesting, and haunting in a good way. It's beautifully written and very descriptive. You captured the emotions nicely good job!
16 Years AgoIce QueenJen
This was an usual way of writing, like you combined lots of poems or thoughts into one poem. Like when your asleep your subconscience floats from thought to thought of what went on that day. I do like it and this piece makes a person stop and think, what is to come when finally waking up. good job again!
16 Years AgoUntitled III
Ice QueenJen
Wow, this is much deeper than the other two. Yet I still love the way you write, full of meaning, yet obscure in a way. Its funny how some things we see in life, really have no meaning like when you say " the dog doesnt notice."- He just exists from day to day. But we as human beings strive to stay alive and survive in what condition we are in. Great poem also! Although I think you either mispelled the word revenge, putting a d instead of an e, or if you meant the d to be there- you should put an apostrophe in.
16 Years Agowordman
the mystery is told the life in the egg this is really deep my friend the pride the womb you painted a vivid picture here
12 Years AgoBrittany Zedalis
Wow, I like this one a lot! Awesome!
12 Years Agoand_if_all
My favorite out of the series. Each stanza seems to go from strength to strength. Particularly like the line 'Why drown the future for the past?' simple but speaks volumes.
15 Years AgoTasha
This was so strong Meet to forget. To be done with, the pride; which belonged ago. You wont bow; but die with, not a dog to view. This was my favorite out of the series. :)
15 Years AgoUndying Glory
i have to agree, this seems to be the climax to the other two. your stanzas are longer and that really added more meaning to this one, kudos for that! this was really thought-provoking, more so than the others! this series sure reminded me of Metallica's songs "The Unforgiven", "The Unforgiven II" and "The Unforgiven III". very well done!
15 Years AgoHelen Crutchett
Vivek, you write with convincing clarity....soulful yet full of the pace of life. Wonderful read, much enjoyed!
15 Years AgoSabista Khan
I really like this one from the other two in the series. It is very difficult to explain why...
15 Years AgoMatthews Reggie
I liked ur 3 untitled poems...! keep it up..
16 Years AgoSarah McConnaughey
I love this one! Another excellent poem. :)
16 Years Agonono
Interesting it seems to me that your relating certain things...Like remember old days are painful....Truly an interesting read!
16 Years AgoDamienHino
I like how it started off "Look for the joy in the beggar, The life in the egg. But not the fumes of my soul." also how it finished good write!
16 Years AgoUntitled
Pax Analog
A well-rendered existentialist sensibility. The difference between a Euro existentialist sensibility and Zen, Taoist, or Advaita Vedantic, is that the latter forms of enquiry run deeper and don't assume Life needs reasons -- or that Life is determined by form only. In other words, a contemplative disposition transcends the fretting of the mortal figure to intuit the a priori Ground. One is correct to suspect the veracity of a mere egoic lifespan, but it's nothing to worry about. There is a grace to allowing Consciousness to permeate you without getting in the way. It isn't even that difficult to directly observe that thoughts and feelings and phenomenology are arising in Consciousness. We are wise to shift from the tormented logic of the figure to the seamless intuition of the Ground. Your "sword of the dawn" reads like a scythe, but it is also Awareness Itself. "I" is a Mystery, unbound.
16 Years AgoDavid Scott
I wrote you a long review George... the site froze as I submitted it. grrr! :( I like the write. You show contrasting views and intelligence in your writing. You frame a thought well without filling in all the details fro the reader. Much is open to interpretation. I like the write. I think each reader will come away with something very different depending on their cultural and geographic backgrounds.
12 Years AgoDavid Scott
Summer means different things to people living in different climates. It is interesting how our vocabulary is framed by our weather patterns at times. Yet, we all see the power a change in the transformation of life in the seasons of the turning globe we call Earth. So, here you show the reader how "summer" is in your experience. "Not dead yet", can be taken as a positive outlook. Like saying, "Thank goodness I still have life ahead of me." Also, it can mean, "I am just barely alive." You actually do not tell the reader how you expect the read to be interpreted. I like this tool of poetry. You are building a frame and letting the reader fill in the picture. Like an ink blot test. The line, "Hate the meaningless reasons behind the curtains", can be taken several ways as well. Does the author hate meaningless explanations hidden by those with power? Is the intention to describe hate as a collection of meaningless reasons again hidden behind power, bias, religion? Still, I could see this tying into the previous line about what you would choose to see in the world around you. "The sword of dawn", carries much symbolism and will vary given your particular mythical references or spiritual beliefs. Again, a clever tool. I like the contrast of flesh rotting in the lifeblood of rain. Death and life in the same moment from the same circumstances. Overall I find the write interesting and challenging to interpret. Nonetheless, you give each reader the freedom to take what they will from your write. You show a subtle generosity with your intellect.
12 Years AgoNatalie Dieudonne
Hate the meaningless reasons Behind the curtains. really nice line. Your style of writing is interesting...
12 Years Agowordman
I see a lot of emotions unsure about self and existence powerful write we all belong we just need to figure out where
12 Years Agojacob erin-cilberto
we learn from life, it hardens us, it cuts us...but we survive to see tomorrow...and maybe the rotten flesh can come back to life...the spring rains bring summer and rebirth. life wears us down, but doesn't necessarily beat us...unless we let it.
12 Years AgoKim's Poems
emotional piece here and quite powerful
14 Years Agonenestarrs
This poem seems sad to me only at the end I get a ray of hope. I love how you phrased your words. It delivered a vivid picture that I appreciate when I read a poem.
14 Years AgoAn owl on the moon
Reason seems to wrestle with existence... thoughts fierce fighting on emotional steps... What an honest, piercing work.
15 Years AgoAndrea
Nice work!
15 Years AgoMorphi
beautiful. its been some time sense i read something like this. its depressing yet enlightening, and somehow calming and joyful all at once. maybe i only see it that way. but its like your looking for your awncers. i hope you fined them.
15 Years AgoLourisa
Well written, Vivek. I like the depth of this piece and am looking forward to reading your other work.
15 Years AgoTasha
I enjoyed this a lot.
15 Years AgoE.H. Monroe
My inferences doubt my existence. If this was church, I'd be yelling preach. We break our poems up in a similar fashion. Exactly how we want them read is how we'd spit them. Alliteration check. Assonance Check. Imagery. All over the fuck. Cheers. Love the flow.
15 Years AgoUndying Glory
very thought-provoking and impressive work, this sure was good. such an intriguing poem you've crafted here. "The sword of the dawn, Lives in all of us. Hard, gusted; Rotten flesh in the rains to see tomorrow. Yes, it is summer" now those were good verses! very good job!
15 Years AgoH. A. M.
I like this. it may be because of the last lines. "Rotten flesh in the rains to see tomorrow. Yes, it is summer." ...to me it's like a description of the things happening in the NOW and not just writing...I'm no genius but I like this...
15 Years Agoabby2011
complex. sexy. simple. nice. there's a lot in you - keep writing
15 Years AgoIrish_Ranger
Wow, this poem definitely describes how I feel when I'm depressed. It's that feeling of being awake but asleep at the same time. Nothing seems to really matter one way or another.
15 Years Agomsharma
well written .hope ur writing will lead further heights.
15 Years AgoHelen Crutchett
Excellent poem. I loved the strong beginning leading into a write that was also powerful. Great emotion and insight in this. A truly good read! Top marks.
15 Years AgoGoodbye
This is an amazing poem. It clearly illustrates the places of darkness and futility that we all feel from time to time, some of us more than others. (I like to call it "The Black Hole") It questions meaning, existence, and depicts our fundamental aloneness so beautifully. Brava.
15 Years AgoRory CJ Frankson
Seriously... What more could be said. I think Pax covered this one, Vivek.
15 Years AgoAsterix
It's good. Kind of vague. But I guess that's part of the whole life and death mythology theme. Keep writing. If only it was more expressive it would be awesome.
15 Years AgoSabista Khan
I don't really think i have the words to describe it, All i can say is, it is sheer perfection for me. A beautiful poem.
15 Years AgoYouoweYoupay
powerful words and metaphors wrapped in one another. I liked the parts: I hate the meaningless reasons Behind the curtains. Good read. Thanks for sharing -Wella.
15 Years AgoSilent Kim aka mizmetap..
Sounds like a man detached, living in a haze, searching for reason, answers, then you conclude that it's just the lazy days of summer. Well written. You took the time to weave words together to express your feelings, give a little time to make the words important and give them a title.
15 Years AgoAlicia Schroeder
it reminds me of those dark little memories that everyone has that they try to keep hidden, I like how you how you worded this peice, it's almost like being close to death and reminding yourself that you still excist, very nice. I think it is a wonderful poem
16 Years AgoGheeneil
You wrote it with depth. You might want to change the title to create better impact. Keep writing.
16 Years AgoSarah McConnaughey
This is a beautiful poem and you have a great way with words! Excellent. :)
16 Years AgoBrandilee Cardente
strong and good work.
16 Years AgoLilly
A very strong, powerful piece. Great write.
16 Years AgoDinesh Sairam
Maybe one of the surreal poems out there. I used to think surreal poems are cool. Lately I have fallen for the poetry in real time. Nothing beats the beauty the existent. But, this poem brought me back to those days when my dreams were raging as a flame in sublime horizons. Don't take this for bad, the 'meaning' of the poem is really not evident as it is. Maybe that adds to the splendor :) Keep writing.
16 Years AgoMatthews Reggie
Fine work... I read it thrice to grab the maximum.. Each time I read it was a different feel... Sad words with emotional excellence... Best portions - sword of dawn, i hate the ..... reasons
16 Years AgoRonald Ayers
Dear VG I am inviting you to submit three (3) of your "Untitled" poems to The Aegis Literary Review located at: http://aegisliteraryreview.com, for consideration. Please go the submission page, and follow the "HeyPublisher procedure for making submissions to the "Review." If accepted, you will be paid for your poem via PayPal. Sincerely, Ronald Ayers, Editor
16 Years AgoDannyLynne Riley
I love the line "I hate the meaningless reasons behind the curtains" and I love the raw element...the feeling of something unseen now exposed...I look forward to reading more from you. you have great talent -DannyLynne
16 Years AgoDane Osborne
A well written and intelligent piece. Atleast to me this was very existentialist, it adresses all the conclusions we usually make when we come to the belief that existence is meaningless but yet handled in a fresh way. It had an excellent flow and great describtions. I liked the imagery of the words.
16 Years AgoAngel Bird
So many hard and hopeless words ... but nonetheless a glimpse of hope seeping through every well conceived line. Each line of yours strongly reverberates in me and has a strong impact. - I am not dead - Yet - My inferences doubt my existence - Would my hands move, - Would i see, Impressive work.
16 Years AgoMy Fair Lady
I agree with what has already been said by many others about this piece. It seems a sad piece, festering with emotion waiting for the splinter to be pulled from a wound.
16 Years AgoRu Banerjee
It is a stunning write in terms of the turn of phrases, like "brown days, boiled in hand", "the sword of the dawn", "rotten flesh in the rains"--very intense and very vivid...there is a distinct, metaphorical way that you speak of the inevitable nemesis of humanity: "my inferences doubt my existence/ Things seen, forgotten tomorrow". I can sense and almost smell the 'rotten flesh' of apocalypse when you write the last lines. There is the sweeping gust of unexplainable anguish, as if you find yourself groping into the forbidden darkness of 'brown days', striving to find the 'sword of the dawn' in the ultimate redemption of the life forces surrounding all of us.
16 Years AgoDonald Meikle
not the happiest of work individuality seeks freedom constantly as does the soul of a poet
16 Years AgoKatiePie
In this your like a lock waiting for a key, there's so much mystery swirling around this, and who doesn't love a little mystery? The metaphors you use make my mind churn, because they're beautiful and meaningful. I hope to read more of your work. Thank you for sharing. -Cathrine
16 Years Agoemmajoy
Seems your feelings are simmering, or, perhaps, merely waiting to be brought alive, brought into the sunshine. So many of us wait for a moment for a kind of rebirth, of being taken back to a time when we were truly happy and satisfied with how we are .. This is a dark, sad piece of writing, perhaps your dreams could be kinder and give you more reason to wake every day .. not easy, true, but in your own hands. 'I hate the meaningless reasons Behind the curtains.'
16 Years Agowriting mojo
I am not a very good critic, yet I am flattered that you want me to review your poem.. i come from a line of writers, whom never make sense with shard thought process to the reader, I write free verse, filtering what can to be some people a grammatical curse, so for you to tap me on the shoulder my friend is an honor.. You complexity is that of guru with seasonal sickness. Mantra styles technological to the prediction jurisdiction, of feeling flesh bent on returning to the world immortal by word choice coziness. My favorite lines are "Brown Days boiled into hands" and yet you answer the reader's questions at the end to solidify the up and downs of earth and sky style, "Yes, this summer." Ground shaking, your comma and semicolon placement leaves me thinking you have done this before, and know the proper temptation of word aesthetics synthetically present, challenging a dream language to statuette stanza.. I for one write in a none verse style, but that can be confusing to the reader , intellectualizing the property of Anglo English in stead of the ebb stone ancient carvings used with precision, cave dwelling divisions, I stab to my head, living this addiction of flow, following the brain chemical wave crescent to the poignant sound of an echoed mood.. Your dress rehearsal language wears the pauses and rhythm like you tailor the need to be heard, but only appease the thought of adding a little fabric more from your soul it's not your skin getting ready for the big show. it' the connection we as writer's must up hold. not placid angel returning to have free will again her wings are not met to broken down into dialog...you my friend have more to say verses what you display...connect the dots of your eyes to the folds in your mind...good stuff
16 Years AgoAngie Diane♥&hea..
Good poem. I really thought it was nicely written. Thanks for sharing. :)
16 Years AgoTara♥Undefined&h..
Theres not much i can say that hasnt already been said. Its abstract, complex, and absolutely fantastic. I loved this. Im definitely adding it to my favorites. I never would ahve expected the outcome of the poem to be that way. i loved it. Beautiful work!
16 Years Agonono
How about existence. It makes sense to me. Because in this poem I got thhe idea's of how you were trying to express life. This is wonderful!
16 Years AgoRamiz Ilham Khan
I like the consequences in it. it begins with a realization and YET - There is so much because of the realization, but YET again. it is summer. Wonderful. "Gham hota hai jahan zahaanat hoti hai, Duniya main har sheh ki keemat hoti hai" - Javed Ahtar.
16 Years AgoMatthew Kult
Awesome work. I agree you should give this a title UNLESS there is a personal reason behind it. The work is good. Very good read.
16 Years AgoDamienHino
I like this one poetry at it's best
16 Years AgoMs. Gruye
i liked how you used imagery here to obscure a rather pedantic and over-done philosophy. It is summer indeed. and well done. viva la
16 Years AgoVivek Koshy
mr. ayers, "i am not dead" would be a huge contradiction. but further, resurrection - is yet awaited, thus the pain.
16 Years AgoRonald Ayers
Dear VGK: Might you consider giving this poem the title: "I am not dead"? This might be appropriate in the sense that there is a sense of resurrection and hope in the poem. Is the narrator of your poem not dead in the physical sense? "I am not dead---yet." Good. Where there is life, there is hope. The narrator contemplates what the mode of his existence would be if dead. "Would my hands move? Would I see?" A yearning for life after death. And yet, the narrator tells us that he is quite dead. "Rotten flesh in the rains to see tomorrow." Is the narrator telling us that in death there is hope---resurrection? "Yes, it is summer." Excellent! Spiritual! Thought provoking. Sincerely, Ronald Ayers
16 Years AgoIce QueenJen
This was very good, full of descriptive language- like the line "Brown days, boils in hand;". This gives you the sense that everything that surrounds you is dry and barren, and when you work it causes boils to your hands. Showing also that life where your at can be a harsh reality. I must read your others, because this is great!
16 Years AgoFran Marie
My inferences doubt my existence. Things seen, forgotten tomorrow; Would my hands move, Would i see, I hate the meaningless reasons Behind the curtains. Brown days, boils in hand; I found this rather abstract and detached from the norm also in a formal wording of verse which is not needed ,this poem decribes a darkness in tone and a dissatisfaction even through the bright season of summer~ Thanks for sharing
16 Years AgoFabian G. Franklin
I think pedantry is dead and if not, it should be. This means using big words to say simple things, I believe the same in poetry. Stephen King once said of his horror, " I know it's not masterful writing. I have read masterful writing and it is like fillet mignon to a meat lover. But...my work is more like burgers and fries. Ask yourself this question, do more people eat fillet mignon or burgers and fries?" This statement, let us examine it, "My inferences doubt my existence." An "inference" is something alluded to but without definitive structure. So something alluded to but without definitive structure doubts your existence. But why should we care? "Brown days, boils in hand;" This is improper syntax..."days boil"..."day boils". And I think you could replace "To see" with the word "of" in the next to the last line or just leave that space blank. That's about as much as I can offer. I like the idea behind the write but the structure could use a bit of work. Also, think of titles for your work, it will help exercise your imagination.
16 Years AgoDevons
This expresses quite abstract and very complex feelings that might seem difficult to grasp at first. This is not a poem that one can just read-off quickly and then move on. It has far more depth to it than that. It portrays a state of mind that -although it may be negative- is something which anyone who has seen the dark side of existence and the dark side of the mind can understand very well. It is a question -perhaps a condition- of seeing too much. Of not being able to see the bright side without the dark.. "Yes, it is summer" seems to indicate that it is the season which effects the mind in this way - as many seasons do to certain tortured souls. And, like all things, it is of pretty and seemingly harmless appearance... but the damage it does is hidden, and interpreted solely by the mind... A very bleak, and depressing subject, but a very important one of which to explore... and it is done with abstract strength and vision, presenting imagery which may not be palatable to us all.... But it exists..
16 Years AgoMauricio Montoya
nice
16 Years AgoRobyn
i agree with kit kat! i love the descriptions
16 Years Ago